One Month From Today.

Today marks exactly one month until our wedding.

I thought I would be that obsessive bride that talked about her wedding non-stop. By the pile of wedding magazines I amassed in the first few weeks of our engagement, you would have thought so, too. Instead, I haven't hardly thought about our wedding. Other than I wish it wasn't happening right now. I mean, I want to get married now. But just not under these circumstances.

Last night, Kenny's grandfather died suddenly. We really hoped both of his grandparents would make it to the ceremony. Emmi is having major surgery two weeks before our wedding. In a few days, they will do another CT scan looking for what has caused the movement of her electrodes. Of those causes, a growth. In other words, a tumor. Jill is having her own set of issues, and has just been prescribed two days a week of OT. Somehow, we all missed some neurological damage that has caused hypotonia (which is one of the same symptoms Emmi has, which means Jill may not just be a carrier). I have not slept more than four hours a night for the past three weeks. I am scared to go on our honeymoon, because Emmi will be going through implant activation. I am exhausted. Kenny is exhausted. We are both getting sick, and I have had a headache for days.

And I said that I thought having my wedding dress ruined was going to be the worst of it.